yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
