Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
