It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
