You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
