4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We won't sleep together?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
