This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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