I am puke
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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