Will you blow on my dice?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
