I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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