if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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