i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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