If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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