just come out here and I will go home with you...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
