i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
