i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
