lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
