he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
