I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
