i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
