some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
