The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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