just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
