She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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