You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
