finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We just shotgunned beers for America
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
