Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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