I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
