420 ftw
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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