You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
