How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
This gyro tastes like lonliness
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
