So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
