i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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