No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
