i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
