I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
