I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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