you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
