I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
