So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
