you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
