is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
