Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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