Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
