I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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