the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
smell my finger.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
