I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
