no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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