Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
