I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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