i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
