The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
